By Alena Gerst, LCSW | Founder, Director, Psychotherapist
You know the drill. You have two choices and you dread having to make the call. Which one do you choose? Do you have all of the information?. What will happen if you choose option A or option B? It’s even worse when you don’t know what will happen! Do the choices eventually lead to your desired place, or somewhere very different from each other?
One big part of adulting in the modern world is that we have seemingly infinite choices. From what to eat to what kind of media you’ll consume. As a society, we don’t often pay a lot of attention to the mico-anxiety that the constant onslaught of decisions cause, and the toll they take on us over time. The above questions about a decision are valid, of course! But you can run into problems if what is driving your decision is the fear of making a wrong one. If you fear that making the wrong decision will lead to a major mistake, or something permanent and undo-able (some decisions are, many are not), than decision making anxiety may be soaking up your quality of life.
Unfortunately, decisions in life don’t usually come with a map. Sometimes you’ll be faced with questions that simply aren’t immediately answerable, and some uncertainty is to be expected.
If you’ve experienced anxiety due to having to make decisions, you’re definitely not alone. But making decisions is a necessary part of life, so learning to manage this anxiety that comes with constant decision making is an important skill.
Here are some tips for regaining control and overcoming decision-making anxiety.
Just Breathe
When you’re experiencing anxiety, it can leave you feeling like you can’t catch your breath. You might even feel like there is an internal battle happening that you can’t control. Instead of sinking into the feeling of not being able to breathe, try first turning your attention to your breath and notice what’s going on. Are you breathing quickly or slowly? Through your nose or mouth? Are you holding your breath in anticipation of something bad happening?
Many different deep breathing exercises can help you feel like you’re in control again. For example, try the 4-7-8 breathing technique: inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and breathe out for eight seconds. Try this for just 5 cycles and see how you feel. If you end up wanting to do more, you can set a timer for yourself.
If you feel your mind wandering while doing breath work, you haven’t failed. Just bring your attention back to your breath as many times as you need to until your timer goes off.
Be Kind to Yourself
When you’re unable to make a decision, it can cause you to be extremely hard on yourself. You might worry that you’ll make the wrong decision, but if you don’t make any decision at all (which in fact is a decision!), it can leave you feeling even worse about yourself. You won’t help your anxiety by criticizing yourself harshly. Seriously, no good comes of that.
It’s important to know that you won’t always make the “right” choices in life. You will very likely have regrets. Instead of viewing these as failures, use them as learning opportunities to grow and make better decisions in the future. The root of most decision making anxiety is the fear of making a mistake. You may make a mistake or wish you’d made a different choice. A critical aspect of anxiety therapy is to grow your confidence in being able to manage through those times of discomfort. No one is perfect. Make sure you’re giving yourself grace and being kind to yourself.
Write in a Journal
Journaling can be a great tool to get all of those anxious thoughts and emotions that you’re holding onto the pages of a notebook instead, if you’re so inclined.. Writing in a notebook can help to release a lot of those pent-up emotions and thoughts.
You can write however you’re feeling, or you can use prompts, such as a pros and cons list, to help you make a decision. Writing can help you organize your various thoughts and feelings while weighing the different outcomes to come up with the best decision for you.
Trust Your Instincts
This may be easier said than done, but it’s important to trust yourself and your instincts. You know yourself the best, better than anyone else. Make sure you’re considering who you are as a person, your wants, needs, goals, values, and beliefs for where you are now. . Don’t sell yourself short.
Considering the different areas of your life that are important to you can help the process of making decisions. Instead of thinking of a decision as an isolated issue, consider the broader context and how that one decision could influence different areas of your life, for the better of course. But also knowing that if you don’t have your desired outcome, you’ll regroup and keep going.
Seek Additional Support
Making decisions isn’t always easy. When you’re left with more than one choice, it can be difficult to determine which option is best suited for you. Struggling with added anxiety doesn’t make this any easier. In fact, it actually makes it harder.
If you’re dealing with decision-making anxiety, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and that help is available. Lean on your loved ones during this time, a trusted friend, or consider speaking to a mental health professional so you can go deeper into what is driving your anxiety about making decisions.
